Where Have All the Young Men Gone?

I shouldn't be writing. I have a class starting in less than half an hour, but this can't wait.

This morning, during my commute, I heard the story of Army Sgt 1st Class Jared Monti who today will receive the Medal of Honor, posthumously. Monti is the second soldier fighting in Afghanistan to receive our nation's highest military honor. I don't know this man. I never heard of him before this morning's 10 minute radio broadcast and yet, I can barely form the words to describe the pain and anger I feel over his death. The anger I feel that a man who was described by his comrades as easy to talk to and protective of his soldiers. From the description shared by Staff Sgt. John Hawes it is clear that Monti tolerated little nonsense when it came to the safety of his soldiers. Monti insisted that he be the one to retrieve a lost comrade during his final fight against Taliban forces.

Hearing this story reminded me of the folk song: "Where Have All the Flowers Gone". American folk singer Pete Seeger wrote this song in 1961 and based his version on an earlier Russian folk song written between WWI and WWII. The sentiment expressed in this song--the loss of an entire generation of young men to graveyards and war--clearly crosses cultural and language boundaries and even generational ones. I was not alive to witness the loss of a generation to the jungles of Vietnam nor was I alive to witness the loss of a generation to the forests of Europe, jungles of the South Pacific, and the deserts of Africa. Yet, I am alive to witness the loss of my generation to the deserts and mountains of Afghanistan and Iraq.

This is what angers me more than anything. Sgt. Monti was a unique individual a man who wanted to serve his country. A man who understood the value and importance of what he was doing and who, in the end, reconciled himself to his life and his choices. Ultimately, I am in awe of him and others like him. I am saddened by the fact that he will not be around to encourage others to cultivate the same sense of honor and valor.

Here is a link to the original article from NPR: "A Medal of Honor for Sgt. Monti, Who Went to Save His Man"

Have you ever actually fainted? I have, a couple times. I got very sick-probably a stomach flu-about 3 years ago. I couldn't eat or drink anything for 4 days. Don't worry, I'll spare you the fabulous details. The first symptom I noticed was a overwhelming fatigue; really drained. After about a day without food I was starting to feel woozy while lying down. Later (but I'm not sure how much) I was in the bathroom when I got hot and cold all over at the same time, my lips got that tingly feeling like when my foot falls asleep. I really just wanted to lie down on the cool floor and take a little rest. I seriously frightened my dad (the only member of the house not sick) when he tried to open the door but couldn't cause my feet were blocking it. He was the one who explained that I fainted and insisted that I get back into bed. I remember arguing with him, saying that I was much more comfortable where I was. I mumbled that I was tired of lying in bed and wanted to stay on the cool floor. Fainting was the oddest feeling I ever experienced. It was really an overwhelming desire to sleep.

Since I started back to classes full time I've been exposed to lots of information about the N1H1 Virus and the necessity of flu shots and the different ways I can protect myself and others if I should happen to develop flu-like symptoms. This has got me thinking about the last time I got flu-like symptoms-granted a stomach flu rather than a head cold. This combined with reading historic romances-where women sometimes faint for effect-got me thinking about fainting.

Back to School

My Autumnal Resolution.

I don't usually make New Year's Resolutions. January feels so similar to December. Autumn has always been my favorite season. There's something about the smell of leaves the quality of the air & cool breezes. It's back to school. This year, I'm back to a full campus & a full schedule. I'm enjoying being surrounded by activity. I enjoy having a list of things to accomplish & even more I enjoy accomplishing them & scratching them off the list. As long as I keep thinking about those things I want to accomplish as future events, they loom large in my mind; they grow ever larger, darker, & twisted like a hedge maze out of a Gothic novel. When they are immediate things, tasks that can be broken up or accomplished in full within a few hours or a couple days, they remain bright & shiny beacons; the more I scratch off the list, the lighter I feel.

Here's to a semester--a year (two semesters)--full of bright & shiny beacons.

Ask Apricot

A big Thank you! to Apricot from ask apricot for answering my request for fashion help. I really appriciate the time that was put in to answering my question and I'm super glad that images were included. To anyone interested in down to earth advice, I highly reccomened checking her out at ask apricot.

Money & Control

Just like the rest of the country, I’ve been having money issues. I’ve finally reached my last year of undergrad and because of the changes in lending procedures I’ve had a lot of difficulty arraigning my student loans. I did the grown up thing and set up a budget that includes all my expenses and I’ve worked out a plan that should meet that budget. At this point, I’ve put my plan into action and I’m waiting for results which, unfortunately, I don’t have control over. It’s the waiting that freaks me out.

I’m scared that my schoolwork will suffer because I’ll spend more time focusing on the money issues. Scared that I’ll feel that I have to fix the situation rather than just let it unfold and deal with the little issues as they appear.

Situations where I feel a lack of control tend to cause me more anxiety than they should. It’s as though my self-esteem is tied to my level of control. If I feel that I am in control, I value myself higher. I feel more competent when things run smoothly. However, I do have a plan that is no different from thousands of other students and other people really. Money issues are never certain for anyone. I need to remind myself that the current situation is uncertain but I’m still competent and I’ve come up with an effective plan. I just need to stick with it and be ready to adapt to slight hiccups.

Practice Makes Perfect

In keeping with my recent plan to post more, here's a flash movie review:

"Wanted" (2008)

The idea in intriguing: an office worker who has stopped caring about the trivial (and not so trivial) details of his life learns that his father was a top assassin and he inherited his father’s heightened abilities. However, the film itself seems torn between wanting to explore deep ideas of identity, fate, destiny, and the corruption of power on one hand; and fancy explosions, beautiful fight sequences, and impressive special effects on the other. As a result, the film suffers. It ends up catering to a visual audience at the expense of a plot driven audience. As a fan who enjoys and appreciates both aspects of films, I have to say that the special effects in “Wanted” far outweigh the plot. Which is unfortunate because the idea of the plot is so intriguing and there are so many more things a film, novel, or graphic novel could do with an idea like this one.

Why I go so long between posts:

I generally feel that things ought to be reviewed and edited before published. I am much more comfortable with my writing after letting it stew for a bit. I regurgitate the words in a fairly random order and then leave them to settle into the page. Then I come back and reorder those words, cut some out, add some, etc. Unfortunately, I rarely reach the point where I actually publish what I write. Sometimes it’s as simple as when I go back to what I’ve written, I’m not in the same headspace and no longer have the same passion for that idea. Other times I let my mind get in the way and convince me that what I’ve written is uninteresting.

What I’m working up to saying: I want to use my blog as practice publishing. Rather than saving my regurgitated words on my hard drive I’ll try to save (some) on here. I can always return to those words and rework them after they’ve been published. We’ll see how well that works, shall we?

Snail Mail

Who doesn't like to get home after a long day and open the mail box to find... *gasp* Something's in there! Only when you pull it out of the dark box, you find it's... *sigh* My electric bill or yet another pre-approved credit card offer.

My proposition: An intimate mailing exchange. What you get: once a month, you get a greeting card sized envelope of fun! Pictures, a note, something crafty. Whatever surprise you get, it's not a bill & it's not junk! What you have to do: Give me your mailing address. I promise, I will only share addresses with people on this list who have agreed to join this list for fun only - no selling things. And, once a month, you put together a card for your recipient.

Here's the skinny, the list will rotate so everyone gets something from everyone else. To help keep costs down, don't send anything that won't fit in a greeting card envelope.

Interested in joining up? Leave a comment with an email address or contact me via twitter @tullymcq

Spring Cleaning

Well, since the sky is threatening to downpour any second, I elected to postpone the laundry until tomorrow. Instead I swept and moped the kitchen floor. I never understand why, but cleaning - I'm talking serious cleaning here - always makes me feel better. It's as though scrubbing the kitchen floor or wiping down the windows somehow wipes a layer of grime off me too - metaphorically speaking. It's a feeling I enjoy and when I'm in that pleasant space (like now) I wonder why I don't clean more often. It really doesn't take that long and the happy feeling that I get from it more then balances the time I spent doing the work. Plus, there's the added benefit of listening to music, something that always speaks to my soul.

Well, I'm off to take advantage of this euphoria by continuing the productivity.

Some thoughts on Romance in _Twilight_

Mizwrite posted today about the altered standards of romance because of Twilight. As an adult reading the novel (cause I've only read Twilight so far), I approached it with open eyes for the roller coaster of romance but I wonder how much young girls really understand about the story. I mean, if Feminists have problems with Prince Charming, they should have huge problems with Edward Cullen. Personally, I don't see a problem with fairy tales because young children begin to understand the difference between fantasy and reality pretty quickly and fortunatly fairy tales have plenty of inter-personal reactions that are unrealistic this makes the "happily ever after" romance seem more unrealistic as well. Believe me, I completely understand that there are still problems with Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty, including problems that continue to plague women and men through adulthood, and many first marriages.

In the comments to the post, the issue of domestic violence was brought up and I completely agree. Both Edward and Bella are obsessed with one another and the fact that Edward must fight against his nature to suck Bella's blood is problematic. I also agree that Edward's fight against his nature is more a fight against addiction than the desire to hurt Bella. There is none of the usual literary reference to domestic violence - I specify literary because reality and literature are two very different mediums. Although the key phrases used in literature that reference domestic violence (i.e. "if I can't have her/him no one can" and others) frequently appear in real life, there are many other clues in real life that are not stressed in literature.

For me, the bigger problem is the mutual obsession that Edward and Bella have for one another. This type of obsession is frequently waved off as unimportant. But, as the Prince says in the final speech of Romeo and Juliet: "For never was a story of more woe/Than this of Juliet and her Romeo." Although most of the story centers around the prejudice of the two families, I also believe there is a strong message advocating waiting and growing before committing oneself to a partner for the rest of her/his life. Meyers does acknowledge this point, but overall I am left with a dangerous impression of the nature of romance.

Spring Fever

I should not be posting. I should be writing a 6 page essay on Edgar Allen Poe, William Faulkner, and Sigmund Freud. But for some unfathomable reason, I cannot focus on Poe, Faulkner, & Freud. However, I don't really care what Freud would say about my lack of attention.

I'm back in classes today after (an extremely short) Spring Break. I really needed the break to relax and refocus and now I need some time to get work done. I pretty much frittered away the first half of the week and the second half was spent with a close friend I don't see enough. This means that I got to take a road trip in Hank (yes, I named my car). I had a really good weekend. It wasn't packed full of stuff which made it relaxing but M. & I got to hang out and have some girl time.

Ok, time to force myself to do homework.

What am I thinking??

I'm not exactly sure why I started a blog. At this point, I really have no idea what sort of blog it will be. Hopefully I'll dabble with a bit of this, and a dash of that (mostly stuff I'm interested in, of course). Maybe I'll settle on something specific (ie: I Got UGGs! only not that at all) or hopefully I'll keep it nice and diverse, much more like me.